Wednesday, 28 October 2009

New Thoughts on a tired Thinker

hi all

i am not even sure you will still be looking or even know i still exist, but i am here in my silence. a few things God has been making me aware of latley is my need for stillness and also that i can turn my thinking off at times... so this is kinda what i have been doing.. where my thoughts have raced and i could easily have written on 'dehumanisation' or 'fresh expressions of church' or 'why doesnt God listen to us' etc i have decided to relax a while with my thoughts and give myself a chance to catch up. I am currently reading 'The Power of Now'. A very spiritual and deep book about human insessant thinking and the need to find the person underneath the mind. I am in a process of 'observing my thinker' to see what i make of him.. and i when i decide i will let you know. what i am aware of is that 'I' dont always agree with 'myself'. 'I' can be very negative and narrow and impatient and maybe that is not me, but a conditioned me that needs some working with?? like i said i will let you know... maybe watch yours.. dont be critical, just watch.. apparently a gap will appear and in that gap a chance for peace may come. i have enjoyed switching my mind off now and again. Learning to control it, rather than it dominating me.

well i am off to Mozambique for 3 weeks with the lovley Jodun ( in fact she is already there suning herself for the past 2 weeks) i have to find her and catch up fast.. hope to see some of you over the festive season..

Grace and peace


Saturday, 18 July 2009

Sunday Sermon

So I want to talk today about connecting

Readings - Jeremiah 23 vs 1-6 , Ephesians 2 vs 11-22, Mark 6 vs 30-34 (look up on google for ease sake :)
Todays readings are all been about tending, rleating and helping those out there. Massively tired and hungry with only 5 loaves between 12 or more already waiting ages to eat and sleep, Jesus pushes further.

In jeremiah the call to care for people and not scare them off.

In Ephesians the reminder of the outsiders (Gentiles) who are now welcome, breaking down the barriers and walls between us in here and them out there.

As you will know I work in the night scene of Bomo. Every weekend we walk the streets and chat with people offering support kindness and service with no strings attached.

We met a girl out the other week who at first didn’t want to talk. She asked if we were gonna try and convert her, she said we wouldn’t like her because she was BAD. . Before long she opened up and shared that she gave herself to a lot of guys. I asked why and it transpired that she didn’t like herself very much and didn’t value herself. She felt alone and it was a way of her feeling a connection. She ended up writing a prayer card saying sorry for some horrible things she had done wrong.

In the book….
sex God…Rob Bell says

‘we struggle with connection in the earth and connection with others and with ourselves… we feel connected with people we are having experiences with.’

Why are people escaping so much into alcohol, drugs and sex. I am not going to talk about that too much today but more the underlying fundamental reasons as I think they relate to us too.

Feeling disconnected is something we all feel daily as part of the fall of mankind. Disconnection happened in the Garden of Eden. The sense of shame hiding and loneliness.
Fear of vulnerability being open with others…
To get back to nakedness we have to go in reverse… have to overcome shame..

We tell ourselves we are not good enough, not holy enough, God qulaifies us we dont have to come perfect...

Deeper disconnection in us leads to a deeper need to express things to others, this can be immensely damaging and comes out in all kinds of behaviour.

Whether a
‘Concert, church service or rally… its about the moment of connection …that is our natural state.’ Being together, being connected.

This is what I feel in a Night club with others

What are the Barriers to intimacy and connection??

Disconnected with ourselvesand God

I think in my life and role lately I have been feeling very busy and even overwhelmed at times. This has led to a feeling of isolation even in my close relationships.

Busyness is an evil because it moves us away from peace with God. We focus so much on something that we lose sight of the moment. We can only stay connected if we remain in the moment. (Doesnt mean life cant be full, but not controlling us and distracting us from whats important).

I Started doing Yoga and Pilates the past two weeks as I cant find time or discipline myself to stop and relax.

That disconnection leads me to be disconnected to God.

Mark 6 v 30-34 - 'Come away to deserted place and rest a while'… Jesus acknowledges the need for escape and rest.

But I guess he also says our primary concern is connection with each other and God. Shutting others out is not something he ever advocates no matter how tired/stressed we are. How many of us shut others out when we feel tired???

Staying connected to others is what God has called us to. Living in common unity together.

So How do we reconnect???

Sometimes it takes one person or one moment to respond in a certain way. Like if one wants to strip and run into the sea… someones gotta do it first…be bold take the plunge kinda moment… sometimes discipline of...

Stopping to find rest, change of pace.

With others it may take a change in Perceived difference (circumcision group in ephesians) change our attitudes not shut people out.
Jesus came to reunite people to each other and God…

I cant say it better than Jesus so …
John 15

1Jesus said to his disciples:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts away every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit. But he trims clean every branch that does produce fruit, so that it will produce even more fruit. 3You are already clean because of what I have said to you.

4Stay joined to me, and I will stay joined to you. Just as a branch cannot produce fruit unless it stays joined to the vine, you cannot produce fruit unless you stay joined to me. 5I am the vine, and you are the branches. If you stay joined to me, and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit. But you cannot do anything without me. 6If you don't stay joined to me, you will be thrown away. You will be like dry branches that are gathered up and burned in a fire.

7Stay joined to me and let my teachings become part of you. Then you can pray for whatever you want, and your prayer will be answered. 8When you become fruitful disciples of mine, my Father will be honoured. 9I have loved you, just as my Father has loved me. So remain faithful to my love for you. 10If you obey me, I will keep loving you, just as my Father keeps loving me, because I have obeyed him.

11I have told you this to make you as completely happy as I am. 12Now I tell you to love each other, as I have loved you. 13The greatest way to show love for friends is to die for them. 14And you are my friends, if you obey me. 15Servants don't know what their master is doing, and so I don't speak to you as my servants. I speak to you as my friends, and I have told you everything that my Father has told me.

16You did not choose me. I chose you and sent you out to produce fruit, the kind of fruit that will last. Then my Father will give you whatever you ask for in my name. [a] 17So I command you to love each other.

Sex God…

‘You cant be connected to God until you are at peace with who you are. If you are still upset that God gave you this life this body or this family or these circumstances you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy thriving or sustainable sort of way, you will be at odds with your maker. If you cant come to terms with who you are and the life you have been given you will never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they have been given. Until you are at peace with God and those around you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect. ‘

If you have a good relationship with God you can connect with others easily.

Point 1. we need to connect with God each other and the world
Point 2- we need to make space for this to happen, distractions rob us of this.
Point 3- we cant do anything worthwhile unless we are connected to God and each other.

Poem- Walls….

The walls are coming down,
Sometimes they crumble,
Sometimes they tumble,
sometimes brick by brick they descend
Time needed, time taken
Exposed to the elements,
Their value found in their vulnerability,
Deconstruction leads to reconstruction
A clearer view to be had, of simplicity, purity and truth
The walls are coming down as the sun rises illuminating proof.

By Jodun Dunseath (my clever and beautiful girlfriend)


Lord God it is easy for us to judge each other and more so those that don’t know you. Merciful God know that in our weakness we search for ways to reconnect. Help us to find healthy ways to connect and remain joined with you and each other. Thanks.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009


Please don't give up on me because i am so slack at writing.. often i am having thoughts but not just wanting to use this as a spewing site for my mind.. want to write things that maybe helpful to others so want to think them through, so here goes with the latest....

I am glad my life is full of colour. recently i have been aware that i have been drawn to the colour pink. Not the baby pink but more the dusky dark pink variety. I am aware it is quite a fashion colour for guys this year and i have recently purchased some items. Jodun has just had a birthday party in London with the theme 'Express yourself'. I fully intended to wear a pink outfit but... i had a conversation with a counsellor guy that i see. i told him of this intended expression and he asked me to think if it was about anything. As we discussed this i thought it probably had something to do with my masculinity. I then realised that day i was fully clothed in Khaki and had been dressing in that way for the past few days, certainly a stereotypical masculine/feminine contrast. He told me to sit there and ask God what that was about. At that moment the phone rang.. it was Joduns mother.. we chatted for a moment and then she asked if i could do her a favour. She said could i buy Jodun some flowers from her.” Of course” i said, what type and colour?? “Pink...well actually cerise kind of dark pink.....” I found this highly amusing in light of the current conversation. I had been to get a drink and after the conversation realised it was with a pink innocent smoothie with a khaki wrapper. i commented on my probable subconcious choice of drink after. I then noticed the label on the smoothie wrapper, it read something along the lines of ...getting life in balance is important and how we are often trying to perform and worry about it, we just need to put the good things in and the bad will take care of itself …. 'i am off to see a bearded lady about a trampoline' how much of a masculine/feminine statement is that. :) Just to say at the party i wore a stark contrast of pink and khaki.
Tonight i went out on the streets of Bournemouth to do chaplaincy work. I went out with other volunteers to look for people to help. Tonight was very different from usual. We didnt really help anyone. Instead we spent the whole evening just having really nice chats with door staff and people in the street. I have been really wanting to slow down latley and concentrate on relationships, tonight that seemed to happen. The last person we encountered was a girl who had no shoes. We offered some slippers, which were recieved gratefully. As she sat on the floor to put them on she exclaimed'”they are pink” i replied in jest '”well no, more cerise i think” I said this as i had the whole pink clothes thing in mind.
She asked if we could shout for her sister down the road. We obliged and called her sister over, and had a little chat with her explaining who we were , her sister seemed keen to volunteer with us so we got some details.. the slipper girl was getting aggitated and wanted to go and get some food.... sis then said "shut up Cerise" i did an audio double take !! "what did you say?? whats your sisters name?" i asked. "Cerise" she said!!!!!!!
What are the chances of that?!!! Me saying the word cerise to Cerise putting on her 'PINK slippers!!! The sceptic in me says maybe i heard this word being said and subconciousley repeated it... but on relfection i am 99.9% certain that didnt happen and that in fact it was Gods crazy sense of humour. That he planted that in my mind in the ongoing comedy of my pink journey...
As I was talking about this to Jodun I asked her what she thought of the incident that happened, she asid she wasn’t sure, but let let out a loud laugh… she told me a guy had just walked past her with bright pink hair!!!! She then walked past a guy in pink trainers, he was on the phone and the on rhing she heard was him saying yeah I can wear pink shoes….!!! I then phoned my mother and she thought it was all funny as they had a had a chat in the garden with a few guys about whether they would wear pink or not. Maybe this pink thing is something men need to address… are we being imasculinated? I certainly wonder about the pressure on us to perform and be a certain way. What we are supposed to be like and how we are to act. How sex has become a way of showing manhood and how we are all dehumanised in that process.

Did you know that in Victorian times Pink was a mans colour and baby boys, not girls were dressed in it.

Monday, 25 May 2009


so, you have probably stopped looking at my blog by now because i am so slack at writing it. well here is what i think the reason is. i have become too busy!!! it has happened before and it will probably happen again. but when i get too busy a lot of important things get missed. The first being people and friends.. you i would say are friends and i have been neglecting you.

There have been some exciting things happening, the street work in Bournemouth is great, i manage to get 4 volunteers out every saturday now, which is rewarding, i am developing more team with that at looking at rebranding, training, working with the police more, and recruiting. I have set up a task group to help me, gaining prayer support and generally getting to know more people. i am now djing monthly for a night called Static run by local guys. I am seeting up sunday sessions to dj and watch the sunset each week through July and August at a beach front bar called Aruba. I am booking dj's and helping organise a big summer ball on the pier on 25th July.
I am involved in a snowboard tour and djing in leeds at an indoor snowboard centre in August, i have been seeing Jodun ( amazing girlfriend) most weeks in london, i have been hanging out and dancing with a bunch of great guys who are in recovery from drugs and aclohol and building support and community with them, also weekly , street dancing on a monday and a veggie mondays meal, circuits classes tuesday, spanish lessons and salsa class on a wednesday, meetings with a home/planning group on thursday and the odd surf here or there.

i am now taking 10 days off to see my sis Anna in Cyrpus and taking Jodun with me :) think i need a break.
As Matrin luther King was quoted ' i am so busy i need to spend an extra hour a day in prayer'!!!!

how true, slowing down is healthier, more sociable, more benificial to all around us and helps us BE . i wana get my value in who i am not what i do.

i have written this, to inform you to inform me when i am not in touch that i need to slow down more...

God's Speed
Michael x

Thursday, 23 April 2009


'from the oldest of times, people danced for a number of reasons, they danced in prayer.. and they danced to celebrate, that is the dancing we are talking about, you see this is our time to dance, it is our way of celebrating life.'

"all around you people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children do not tiptoe.. run, hop, skip or dance just don't tiptoe"

'live good and get beat up real bad. Dance until they kill you and then we'll dance some more'

‘i’m walkin my beat friend, this is my beat I’m walkin it”
“I throw shapes and they catch em, set em up and watch them fall”- Once upon a time in Mexico

"The Jesus Movement is a revolution that dances, celebration is at the very core of the kingdom"

"if i can't dance then it is not my revolution" - Emma Goldman

'We sing we dance and we make music. No-one can exactly say what the singing and dancing mean, but we are still moved by it in incredible ways'

"Heaven is much too serious a place for work. It will be all dance and play there.' CS Lewis

'David danced before the Lord with all his might (naked) with shouts and the sounds of trumpets, he leapt and danced before the Lord' 2 Samuel chapt 6

'The dance of God represents a flowing movement of the divine nature. Through the work of the spirit in and upon the believer, he or she is allowed to participate in the divine life. This can be likened to a kind of 'progressive dance', a dance where the participants move outside of the origional circle and invite others to join in the pattern of movement. So it is also with the divine story of the dancers. The divine dance of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit draws us into the energizing and invigorating movement. In our worship and in our mission we participate in the intimate life of God' - Pete Ward- Liquid church, quoted in 'Night Vision' by John Oliver, canterbury press, 2009.

'dancin is what to do, dancin's what i think of you, dancin's whats in my soul. dancin's what makes me whole'

'You should be dancin, Yeah!!!'

"see you on the dancefloor" MF, 09 :)xx

Friday, 17 April 2009

JESUS LOVES PORN STARS and door supervisors

hi all.. tonight was an amazing night.
it started with a visit to a local cafe, where a bunch of recovering addicts were djing to each other, there was free pizza and about 9 amazingly friendly welcoming guys. i went from there to The opera house (not to listen to opera) for a Dj night with the legendary Carl Cox. The last time i was there was in an official capacity as Night Club Chaplain a particular doorman had been a bit funny with us and whilst we were there we had helped a girl who was distraught and had wet herself. Her boyfriend was inside and i had asked if i could go in and find him. The doorman said mate you will never find him there are 2000 people in there. I had a photo, so i went in. i spotted him immediatley slumped in a corner and asked him to come outside with me. as i led him out the doorman said "oh my God that was quich, what was that Divine intervention or something??" i said " might be".
Tonight I arrived there and was waiting for my friend Jess to arrive, as i had a spare ticket for her. Whilst i waited i made small talk with the door staff, one of them found my hair hilarious and said it was porn star hair. He told me i looked like Ron Jeremy (a large fat balding man with a thick black mustache!!), not a comparison i would make. Now i don't know many porn star names, but if you have been reading my blog, you would have known that i ordered 50 'Jesus Loves Porn star' Bibles from the usa. Funnily enough in it it has a story of Ron Jeremy and how he has found faith in God, which i had read last week. In the end i had to nip back to my car to get the ticket, so i happened to pick up a porn star bible too and gave it to the doorman. When i handed it to him he was astounded and said ' hat are the chances of that!!??" i said i know, maybe you can read it. At the end of the night, 5am, i walked out, he shook my hand and said ' amazing, i will read it, i then reminded him who i was from my previous encounter there. He was shocked and hadn't put two and two togethor. So random the oddity of that encounter compared t the last, but both had left the same taste in his mouth. He told me any time i wanted i could just show up and he would let me in. Divine indeed :)

Thursday, 26 March 2009

For Sale???

i was driving back from Guildford to Bournemouth this week and i was listening to an audio cd of a book called 'Blue like Jazz'. The subject was love.
How in our society we commodify (put a price on) love and and place conditions on loving people.
He talked about how we use language to describe things. When you think of love what words do you use to describe it and the relationships you have?? Maybe spend a moment before reading on with what you think of??.....

He describes how we use words such as...i 'value' our relationship, i want to 'invest' in you, you are a 'diamond', you are 'worth' so much to me. i want to 'spend' time with you. This is economic metaphor!! Language that describes a commodity and in relation to value of something...
What can happen is that, when in a relationship, if someone treats us badly or doesn't show they value us, we then think we are 'worth.. less' we feel 'devalued'. He goes on to say..'This is not how things were meant to be. We are not supposed to get our value from each other and what others think of us. We are all of value purely because we are created beautiful by God, in his image.' (What is beautiful is a whole other subject).

Just as this cd finished and i was thinking on these things i drove past a dirty lorry. Scribbled on the back at the top were these words...

'Love for sale, ask the driver for details'

Not only wierd timing, but i thought really sad that someone feels they can buy love or sell themselves. Songs have been written on this ...

Funny also, i told my girlfriend Jodun about this and the next day on the tube, she sat opposite a quirkily dressed chap and on his waistcoat was a little self written cardboard badge that read, 'not for sale' !!!!

Funny times we live in where some try to sell themselves and others try hard not to and others still hold on to their value as more that ecomonic. In a world where the trafficking of people is the biggest growing illegal trade and the yearly profit from it is said to exceed both Apple and Coca Cola's put together!!! What we really think about ourselves and the value of a human life is important, can we put a price on it???

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Praxis- reflection on action

The World Wobbles on its Axis Through Praxis

As I reflect upon the world I live in,
I give it new names from internal thinking

I have to move over a little so you can stand in my spot
And give you a glimpse of the view that I’ve got
Just as I lift my feet and start to move
The world shifts slightly and wobbles through a different groove

Now with both of our views distorted
Neither of us quite know where we were before this

Small aftershocks as we compare our positions
Our minds slowly settle in a different condition
New understanding brings clarity
Old patterns and behaviours are taken from me

We are still both uniquely ourselves with new names
For our world, we now understand, we are changed

This is OUR Transformation


(paraphrased and poetically transferred from writings of Hazel Stapleton)

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Which way next???

Most major religions in the world have the slogan 'love your neighbor as yourself', or words to that effect. But what equips us to do this. To my mind the only thing that really equips us is forgiveness. To realise we are ultimately forgiven, given space to make mistakes and grow from them. It is not until we see the pain of our own short fallings that we can truly have the capacity to make allowances for another.

Also in order to truly Love our neighbor we also have to be able to Love ourselves. This is easily said, but not always achieved. We often see ourselves the way society does, as commodities. We place value on ourselves according to what we do,(achieve), what labels we can afford and ultimately from the way others see us. Even in a relationship we can get our value from how that person loves us not from us seeing our self worth outside that ( often that is why breakups and rejection hurt so much). The problem for many of us, as it has been for me at times, is that in order to receive that love from another we do have to both value and love ourselves.

Many of us feel we do not deserve love.

I spent a number of years trying to earn love, I put big demands on myself to be a certain way. I demanded much from others because of this.

If we consider ourselves perfect or even strive for perfection, my experience is that places huge demands on ourselves and others. Raising expectations of them and us. I want to continue trying to allow myself the space to fail, to grow and grant others the GRACE to do the same. (Grace is a word used to describe receiving without deserving it). Grace does not come cheaply, but it is not something we can buy.
To be gracious really hurts. When someone we love a friend or companion has pain or needs support, understanding or time it can be very difficult to give it to them.

We have needs and desires of our own, our insecurities rejections are apparent and our resources are limited as humans. However there is in us the ability to Love, forgive, and give grace to someone else.

This could be giving space for that person for find healing in their time, not just give a quick fix solution or impatiently demand what we need.

It is not a responsibility or obligation, not something to feel guilty about and put pressure on ourselves about. But it is enriching, life giving and rewarding.
This demands a sacrifice. In the ultimate act of sacrifice, Jesus (Jeshua) gives up his choice to what he wants and needs and makes way for us to have space to find the way. To find healing, find space, find time, find peace. Try it today, it hurts but it works.
As hard as it is to provide grace, it is also hard to receive it. To acknowledge we are weak, inefficient at changing and allowing a work to come into us to bring that change is hard too.
The way I see it, it is a two way process. With the act of grace comes the response and then ultimately for that person healing. Just for some takes longer than others.

As we put ourselves in the place of others and consider their needs before ours we are performing a miracle. A shift in perception. To put the other first demands much, but it is worth it for both... We are all worth it.

hope this makes sense ??? if you got this far :)

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Happy New Year

Bit belated i know... but these have been different times for me. A lot of processing being done. I am not intending to use this blog to be self indulgent and tell you all about my life... rather i want it to be something people can participate in. To this end maybe the absence of writing is a reflection on my introspection and maybe if i had written prior to now it would have been more self. Apologies for this. This maybe something to do with a new Love in my life. Her name is Jodun.

For now all i will say is life has been good and hard recently and at times lonley... i will have a thought provoking post out in the next couple of days.
His Grace and Peace