Friday 25 July 2008

The weekend begins

so another entry... unlike england the week days here are the busier nights. We go out on the streets Monday to Thursday and by all accounts this week has been exceptionally busy and messy.
On one night we had to help over 15 people get home, unable to do so for themselves. Three or four needed serious medical attention. The incident that remains with me is that of a Scottish girl out with her friends. She only had two drinks that night but was in a very distressed state. She was convulsing, her jaw and eyes twitching, muscles contracting, high pulse rate and hysterical at moments. Her friends did not know what to do and were lost trying to find the medical centre. We stayed with them, calmed the girl and called the 'batphone'. Then along came Helen and another team member with the van to assist. We managed to get her safely with her 5 friends to the medical centre. I was astonished to really see a certain case of spiking. i had thought it was sure to be guys, but apparently also Spanish women spike girls in order to rob them. Incidentally these girls had been mugged and robbed already in there 4 day visit here. We saw the girl the following night, looking healthy and bright, but her and her friends staying in through fear of further occurrences.
Ibiza is a beautiful island, with many hidden treasures. It is also a dark place at times, with many who are vulnerable and feeling alone. We are still being told we are angels, heaven sent...and maybe we are, but actually we all can be heaven to each other if we so desire. It just takes for us to change our centre from us to ' other'.

Thought for the day
Reputation is an interesting one. Who do we represent...Ourselves, family, organisation, Christian charity, our country??
i was struck yesterday by 3 separate comments that the English are idiots, hated by others, the trouble makers. That saddened me. Of the workers in the centre of San Antonio, most of the black workers are either drug dealers or prostitutes. Most from Morocco or Senegal, what do they do to the reputation of their countrymen of race? We have heard of Black tourists getting a hard time from Police as suspects of dealing drugs. Poor guys being harassed, not just because of the colour of their skin, but because of those who have ruined reputation for others? Another PR said she had been asked by her Bar manager not to let Italians, blacks, or Spanish into the bar as they were all robbers. She protested as it seemed racist and unfair, maybe it was? Why did the bar owner feel the need to do that? I am not sure what to think, maybe we don't need to blame?
Maybe we can think about who we represent by our actions, who our actions affect.
I really struggle with this as in the Christian context there is almost an unspoken pressure to portray perfection. I actually think the words of God asks us to model weakness, not perfection.
I am in no way perfect and whilst i may seek to live in a pure way, i will always fall short.
So if i am going to let others down by my failings, what can i do to save reputation.
One answer could be to admit when i am wrong, acknowledge my weakness, seek forgiveness from those i harm and move on making an effort to turn to a different way next time???
any other suggestions i would be happy to receive :)

Sunday 20 July 2008

quick Rant

hi all, sorry about this, but just been to Space ( the club, not been taking anything i can assure you) i had forgotten how annoying smoking is in clubs. and what on earth posses people to walk into the middle of a crowded dancefloor, not really wanting to dance, standing right in front of you the the heat and haze and sparking up waving that fag around in the air liek they just dont care.

Oh just so happened that on the dancefloor in question came face to face with another ex pupil of mine, he was someone i worked a lot with a few years back. 2 ex pupils in 2 weeks is a little more than coincidental i feel, but anyway, i hope Eddie is coming into the 24/7 centre to see me tomorrow :)

Thursday 17 July 2008

A message to take to the streets?

We have power in our hands
power to change
power to end poverty
to stand and speak of tragedy
To name the beauty
to understand and reason or to ignore and hide

We have power to create and re-create,
to define and re-define

To act justly upon the world is to see the 'OTHER' bigger than the 'self'
To attempt to understand and move a little when we get there
To make space, to be alive, to be Free

To be told is little fun, but to learn is exhilarating
To strive is exhausting
but to BE is.

poems

A nice lad but led astray
Grandad says "he did not used to be this way,
there's nothing for the youth today,
you need to get a grip before it's too late"
He doesn't realise the cannabis haze
that makes his Grandchild lost for days,
Going to school is the least of his worries,
it's all about the weed, the escape with his buddies

He sits in front of a screen, life flashing before him
by distractions he is dreaming
there is no real reason or logical meaning
except for the fear from those that are terrorising.
Scared to go out or even look up
no words to say just silently stuck

Beauty trapped and caged
alone and unwell at such a young age
cradling her unborn child
finding it hard to produce a smile
abandoned to face new life on her own
removed from friends and all her plans torn

Making choices, facing fears, helping wipe away the tears
Giving options finding hope, positive veiws to help them cope

Beautiful sunsets, stars and faces.
Distraction help me to escape this.
Sleep, food, prayer and songs help my days to carry on.

MF

Tuesday 15 July 2008

ibiza week 1

Been here just over a week now. Currently 8 of us living in the house together. there is a real mix of cultures and backgrounds here in our little community which is great. German, Swiss, Australian, English and Irish. Been cool to here people praying and talking in different languages and appreciating the diversity of human nature.
Been to Bora Bora and Eden for my first Dance sessions. Both were great and really connected with others there. Getting familiar with lots of the workers out here, which makes me feel much more part of the whole scene. They really have admiration and trust us in helping people in the west end of san antonio. Last night we were having a nice chat with some lads and a worker came over and asked for our help. (we basically go round in pairs in 24/7 t shirts whilst other stay behind in the centre to pray). A guy was sat in a chair outside kfc with literally 40 party revellers chanting "you're shit you're shit" at him. He was a bit out of it, but not the worst i have seen and was awake enough. They had tied his shoe laces together and put ice cream in his hair. They had also humiliated him by getting his John Thomas out for all to see. I went with Sasha from Ireland and stood int he middle of the crowd. They then turned the chant on us. We asked them to stop, turned to the guy and took him away from the situation. We cleaned him up with tissues from our medi bag. Then called the 24-7 puke wagon to come and get him. The leader Brain and another volunteer then took him back to his hotel. in the next 40 minutes we found two others unable to look after themselves and another girl who had been robbed.
PEOPLE CAN BE CRUEL, at times prey on the weak and vulnerable.
My reason for telling this is not for the great story or the glory. But to give a flavour of the nightly occurances that keep us needed here.

Thought for the day

One amazing thing is how accepting the workers are here of our Christian team. in fact they don't stop telling us how much they respect us for what we are doing. daily comments are 'There should be more people like you on the planet', 'i couldn't do what you guys do', 'You are angels'. This can serve the Ego very well, but has actually been getting to me a little frustrated. On one hand it is totally great that both workers and tourists acknowledge that there may be greater things in life than just getting wasted. That people are in need here. That people need saving at times. Mother Teresa was once told that she was a Saint. She responded that ...by elevating her to that position just in fact got others off the hook. She at another time said that "we do no great things just small things with great love" which we are all capable of.

Saturday 12 July 2008

First day in Ibiza.

Well felt very welcomed by the team and had a little team meeting prayer session. I met up with nic from Guildford ,who was over here, in town and had a good chat with him, went to the prayer room for a quick visit and ended up spending ages talking with this girl who wanted help. She had been homeless in Ibiza 5 days and had been raped the night before. She had an alcohol problem and had burnt all her bridges back home. after we had helped with some practical issues and some aid in getting a different perspective, Bruce offered to pray for her, she burst into tears, saying that that is what her family did for her in England, she sat there thumb in mouth as we said a small prayer and felt much more peaceful after.

My learning from this was more about how I could really develop a kind of hero complex in this kind of work, but one thing struck me. The girl said… others had offered some help but no one had really listened to her. The team managed to get her a flight back home and get her to the airport.

think it is gonna be crazy here, lots more stories to come !!!

France and beyond...

Entry 3

The journey to Spain begins. Ok so to start I did the Biarritz to Barcelona trip in 6 hours and seeing as though I allowed 12 I had time to use… I parked in a the worlds most expensive car park and headed off up the famous Las Ramblas. One or two mime artists later, I decided to head off the well-worn track and go side street style. You don’t really see a city until you see the side alleys, even just one street away from the tourist hustle and bustle you see homeless guys, shady characters emptying handbags out in bins, tattoo parlours and hidden fetish shops, as well as some bone chilling looks from the inhabitants.

Ended up in Barcolanetta, a great beach spot frequented by many of the cities beautiful and Gay population and a few old leather skinned men in thongs. Obviously why I went there. Actually when I arrived I found you can surf in Barcelona, was tempted to sprint back the 4 miles I had walked and get the surf board but time was not on my side so watched and daydreamed. Actually really nice to have a day alone before the mayhem begins , love Barcelona and Spain for that matter. .
The evening was crazy with the Spanish police escorting our ferry convoy through Barcelona, stopping all other traffic, the chaos was laughable, Now on the ferry upgraded by myself until someone finds me in the wrong seat J

Thought for the day.

Ongoing consideration of the negative thought process… I think I am still so easily brought back into the cycle of needing affirmation from others. A few setbacks and escapist thoughts and I am right there in the thick of “ I need to feel special” time.
One solution is to meditate on the words of God in the bible. Trying to promote positive thoughts. One is to search inside and understand the root of the problem so I can deal with it. Another is to find a distraction from the distraction or maybe even just get on with something else. Or I could just see it as not that big a deal not dwell on it and just get on with it.. Who can add any more time to there lives by worrying hey??

A few weeks ago all this seemed very simple and I don’t think my mind ha fully caught up with what is about to happen. My dream last night of stabbing a friend in the nose, getting peed on by another friend and leaving piles of rubbish for my parents and sister to clean up .. actually waking up with my gums bleeding cos I had been clenching my teeth so hard in the night!!! may give some description of the turmoil of my mind at this point… glad it was a dream though, the gums I can deal with : o
It is amazing how quickly my/our minds can change, one minute all positive, no concern, the next confusion and dissatisfaction.
I give it to God in Prayer.

France and beyond...

Entry 3

The journey to Spain begins. Ok so to start I did the Biarritz to Barcelona trip in 6 hours and seeing as though I allowed 12 I had time to use… I parked in a the worlds most expensive car park and headed off up the famous Las Ramblas. One or two mime artists later, I decided to head off the well-worn track and go side street style. You don’t really see a city until you see the side alleys, even just one street away from the tourist hustle and bustle you see homeless guys, shady characters emptying handbags out in bins, tattoo parlours and hidden fetish shops, as well as some bone chilling looks from the inhabitants.

Ended up in Barcolanetta, a great beach spot frequented by many of the cities beautiful and Gay population and a few old leather skinned men in thongs. Obviously why I went there. Actually when I arrived I found you can surf in Barcelona, was tempted to sprint back the 4 miles I had walked and get the surf board but time was not on my side so watched and daydreamed. Actually really nice to have a day alone before the mayhem begins , love Barcelona and Spain for that matter. .
The evening was crazy with the Spanish police escorting our ferry convoy through Barcelona, stopping all other traffic, the chaos was laughable, Now on the ferry upgraded by myself until someone finds me in the wrong seat J

Thought for the day.

Ongoing consideration of the negative thought process… I think I am still so easily brought back into the cycle of needing affirmation from others. A few setbacks and escapist thoughts and I am right there in the thick of “ I need to feel special” time.
One solution is to meditate on the words of God in the bible. Trying to promote positive thoughts. One is to search inside and understand the root of the problem so I can deal with it. Another is to find a distraction from the distraction or maybe even just get on with something else. Or I could just see it as not that big a deal not dwell on it and just get on with it.. Who can add any more time to there lives by worrying hey??

A few weeks ago all this seemed very simple and I don’t think my mind ha fully caught up with what is about to happen. My dream last night of stabbing a friend in the nose, getting peed on by another friend and leaving piles of rubbish for my parents and sister to clean up .. actually waking up with my gums bleeding cos I had been clenching my teeth so hard in the night!!! may give some description of the turmoil of my mind at this point… glad it was a dream though, the gums I can deal with : o
It is amazing how quickly my/our minds can change, one minute all positive, no concern, the next confusion and dissatisfaction.
I give it to God in Prayer.

France 2

So been in France nearly a week, beautiful blue sky, surf, relaxing having a really nice time. Been surfing most days and all should be peachy… so why then am I starting to get negative and even a little down on things.

Maybe it is that I am stopping after a whirlwind of goodbyes, organising and expectation?? But i think I am discovering more what it is about…

I think for months now I have been filled with positive thoughts and excitement about these changes in my life. But in the last week a few doubts have started creeping in. Not so sure anymore?? What if it is all a waste of time, what am I trying to achieve anyway?
I guess number one thing is that ll this is happening cos, it did just kind of happen. I also feel like I am being obedient to God in doing this. Although some may think this is ideal for me and a dream, maybe it is in part but it is also a big sacrifice and more to the point a total unknown. Now for someone who likes to be in control this is scary. How will I have a relationship in this lifestyle? How will I sort out issues with my house, will my money last? What about all my friends and pet fish back home?

Thought for the day
Doubts seem to lead me to fear, which leads me to question, which leads me to negative thoughts about myself, my future and my life.
In the book of James (bible) he says a double minded person gets blown around and tossed by the wind, doubting creates this. I have been blown around by the surf this week, both literally and mentally. This passage was in the book I was reading today and my bible reading notes which I just started today, very timely!!
I am sure of my path and sticking to it regardless of niggling thoughts.
What a beautiful blue sky outside, I am just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride.

France

Day one 25th June – ROAD TRIP… music, ‘Coffee Break Spanish’ and banter.
Had a a weird start, where the day before leaving for France with mates Chris and Jim, Jim calls to say he is not coming due to a great opportunity at work L Chris then checks his flights and finds he has not actually booked them due a Ryan air error and no more flights are available. I then check my Ferry to see if Chris can come with me and find all Ferries have been cancelled. !!!!! is this a sign we shouldn’t go?? No… we booked the euro tunnel and set of Wednesday afternoon, good trip good hotel, Chris tried to scare me by hiding in the cupboard, did a little.
750 miles later got to the Band B. Only got flashed by one speed camera :-/ The place is as Fresh and familiar as when we visited last year… SURFS UP !!!!
Very motivated about learning Spanish right now and have embarked on reading a children’s school book to help me, I get to colour in and everything.

My friends and family were so amazing to me before I left. So many kind, encouraging words, I don’t think the whole leaving thing has hit me yet, it will I am sure.. parents bought me an awesome Sat Nav and sis bought me an Ipod..so cool.

Well we also brought the rain with us, clouds when we arrived and a massive thunder storm. Lets hope for better things.

Thought of the day.

Read some of a Joyce Mayer book, Battlefield of the mind. I find it hard to see why some Christians have to super spiritualise things? This book in particular outlines how ‘our enemy the Devil’ seeks to infiltrate our minds and cause us to have thoughts that could damage us. She illustrates this by using an example of a woman who nags her husband, her comments are that due to experiences in her childhood Satan has bombarded her with thoughts about how bad men are, this is why she behaves this way.

I did not dispute and actually agree that there are spiritual forces at work and indeed our battle at times is not against people, but unseen things but I find it hard to ignore the immense depth of psychological complexity that God created in us. By this I mean that he made us human, this means that we become conditioned by experiences both at an early age but also by repetitive cycles in later life. To say the devil pursues each one of us in order to damage our minds is a little extreme. And in fact in my understanding this is theologically incorrect. I understand that Satan himself is not omnipresent (everywhere at once) and although he probably has his minions, it is probably not as Joyce says ‘Satan has been brainwashing Mary for years”. I think it is more like spiritual forces are a contributory factor to our struggles and our triumphs. Not to be taken lightly , but not to be a preoccupation that can take life from us.

Language is a powerful thing and I wish us Christians were more careful how we used it.
Hasta Pronto

First Entry from Ibiza

okay, so this a blog right?? well i have written 3 entries so i am gonna start with those. It will get you up to date with my thoughts and current life style. I will try and vary my entries so you dont get bored and add some pics at some point. I want my blog to be interesting but am also using it to put some thoughts to paper. feel free to skip the thought of the day bit if you like as thinking sometimes hurts... so here goes, happy reading and feed back of you get bored :)