affirmation

31/7/08

Had our weekly lads time today, where 3 of us get together to talk about man issues. Today we talked about mastication ( yes you read right) the process of salivation in the mouth when chewing… during this time we also chatted about the need for affirmation and how we humans are actually really swayed by the opinion of others.
I was reminded of the night I went out with Jon, the current night club chaplain, in Bournemouth. The first person he introduced me to he said , “this is Michael my replacement”, the Bouncer looked me up and down and said, “what swampy is gonna take over, eco warrior here??!!” that was a nice introduction. Then a second person took to me negatively. Obviously filling Jon’s shoes is gonna be tough, but the initial experience of negative comment could easily rock me. I have become aware how easily peoples opinion/comments affect me. The need for affirmation is subtle but great and I think is a big factor in a lot of things we do in society. How nice was it at Pacha (the worlds best night club) last night when 3 different people said how cool my Addict hat was (thanks for the hat Chris), or how nice it is to be called such a good person, 12 times in one night by drunken party revelers.

Tonight we were out on the San Antonio streets. It is amazing how alcohol and drugs can reduce the, ordinarily, civilized person into a gibbering wreck who can’t even say their name let alone remember where they are staying. Tonight was no exception. We help a guy, cleaned his nose, stood with him as he wet himself and generally took care of him and he cried, mostly of embarrassment. He was so much harder on myself than we were toward him. We tried for over 3 hours to establish where he was staying. Took him round to two possible hotels. We took him round the streets to see if he remembered things, took him to the bar he got kicked out of. The barman their who is not sympathetic of our cause started shouting at me, “save me save me pray for my soul”… and as I walked out, he shouted “have you got holes in your feet?” Another girl told me i was wasting my time with people like that. Exhausted and slightly overwhelmed we tried one more time at a famous Ibiza hotel to chat with reception staff to establish where he was staying, it was at that moment that I heard the encouraging words “swampy, what you doin at this hotel?" I turned patiently and extended my hand saying, my name is Michael not swampy” to be honest I had to find it amusing just how blatant this insult was in light of the earlier lads conversation.

In my foundations and beliefs I have to remember what and who I am doing this work for. I still can’t tell someone fully about my faith through fear of what they may say, even though many drunk people have no problem shouting ‘Jesus Loves you’ it at us as we drive the van though San An…maybe one day I will be secure enough in myself and my faith to be honest about what I really think, but for now I will extend the hand of patience and kindness and let my action talk. I might even get to point one day where i can wear a 'Jesus Rocks' belt!!?? (joke for the trendy among you)

I am no saint, and have need to be respected, affirmed and accepted by others as many of us do.
In his book ‘ Do nothing to change your life. Stephen Cotrell suggests that society in one voice says we need to accept ourselves, love ourselves etc and in the next is selling us all kinds of images, potions, diets and regimes that we should be aiming for. This ends up with us striving to be a different way, we strive for perfection in the search for a better me. Ultimately leads to a realisation that actually we don’t like ourselves very much an maybe we even want to be someone else. He suggests the only way to combat this is to put something else at the centre of our existence, instead of the self.
He suggests putting God in the centre is the best way. He goes on to say that it does not mean we have something missing ie. A God shaped hole in our lives. But that by realigning our compass, we discover that putting something else at the centre brings a whole new perpective and creative energy that we will not find in ourselves.

I like these ideas and I want to have someone else at the centre rather than me, if I am the centre of the universe, it can’t be a very interesting place!!! Maybe I have to learn to love myself another way…