This week seems to have brought new unexpected thoughts and challenges. I can be the sort of person who drifts along comfortably thinking I have it together, then along comes a piece of information that radically shifts my thinking. Well this week that is happening.
For about 4 months now I have been extremely comfortable in my faith and direction then all of a sudden this week many questions have been emerging seeming to be all a bit much.
Saturday was the first of these days where is struggled to find motivation to do anything. In the end I battled through and decided to go street walking alone to introduce my self to all the door staff and police in town. This was a very conducive evening where I met loads of people and got really good feedback, not to mention bumping into friend Nicole and dancing with her and her cousin in a bar. The night ended at 6 am after a few people came back to mine for a cupper, all talking about religion poverty and the like…worth the struggle.
So why still the struggle. maybe was that i was coming down with the flu i now have maybe tiredness but I think finding a happy balance in life is important but without the swings this does not happen, I think I am in a swinging moment. The mystery of God is something that is really intriguing me right now. The idea that maybe I don’t know very much at all is again creeping in.
i have been giving a lot of thought lately to the ideas about depression why we get down about things. there are often overwhelming senses of hopelessness in society. whether by large scale issues or personal griefs and un-fulfillment. There is sometimes a void between what we are concerned about and what we can actually do about it. This helplessness is not only stressful but also brings us down. Not understanding the issues or seeing a way forward amplifies this.
my faith was a little rocked the other day by a programme i saw. i obviously don't want to be be someone blown by the wind (by everything that comes my way), but there was some quite compelling evidence about the christian faith that made me sit back and think!! i was encouraged today by some words in a book i read.
'attitudes have a kind of inertia. once set in they will keep going, even in the face of evidence. To change an attitude requires a considerable amount of work and suffering. The process must either begin in an effortfully maintained posture of self doubt and criticism, or in a painful acknowledgment that what we thought was right all along may not be right after all. Then it proceeds into a state of confusion. This state is quite uncomfortable and we no longer seem to know what is right or wrong or indeed which way to go. But it is a state of openess and therefore of growing and learning. It is only from the quicksand of confusion that we are able to leap into the new and better vision.' M Scott Peck. 'People of the Lie'.
whether dealing with personal pain or moments of anguish and uncertainty in our attitudes or direction, it is comforting to know that through our suffering, uncertainty and trial can come new vision, perspective and maturity. If we suppress this suffering or ignore the thoughts or compelling evidence we will probably remain unchanged, immature and depressed.
i want to be someone who looks at what i can do and doesn't focus on what can't be done. i am allowed to be depressed, because there is evil in the world that needs changing. but if i allow this depression to render me ineffective, i will slowly disintegrate. I choose to make the difference i can.
i will not be blown around by these things but give it to God in prayer, do some thinking and study and come out enlightened.
"When I pray coincidences happen and when I don't they don't!” - Archbishop William Temple
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