So my new job is now a week old. In that time i have also been best man at my friend Ben's wedding... (very proud of him right now)... i have met up with people from Ibiza... visited 2 clubs, been out on the streets on Carnage night when 2000 students bar crawl the town in winter with t shirts and much less on. Oh did i mention getting pulled over by the police when dropping two friends off home, who incidentally were wearing not much more than lingerie!! There is a story to tell there somewhere.
It is hard to know what to think at the moment, some people are very happy with the way things are in the role others have big ideas for change. I think my time in Ibiza has definitely given me a comparison and i hope to find good bits from both to develop things here further.
One thing i do know is that i am certainly in a Bridging position between 'world and church'.. on my visit to the Christian union i was approached by one girl who said ' isn't it sinful to go into nightclubs, we are praying for them to close in our church and you go in them.....i don't believe God is in those places'
I also at times frequent a Christian dating site a girl recently sent me a message ....
I checked out your facebook, which led me to your website, I don't see much of Jesus in there. Clubbing, parties, worldly activities is all I saw.
Didn't notice anything that leads me to think you are a christian who loves God.
So thanks, but no thanks.
Similarly on the street tonight a guy asked who we were, one of those with us said who do you think we are? he replied Christians and quickly i definitely don't need your help...and made his exit.
i guess in both camps some will love us some hate us... i have to get used to it.. people can be very quick to judge at times.
Some want to be left alone, some feel so alone, some want to make everyone like them, others want to be like everyone else, some want to change and can't, others can but don't want to.
Is there an answer.. i don't know but i am learning to love myself despite what others may think, i am learning to Love God despite what i sometimes feel and i am learning to accept others even when they don't think like me...
life is a journey.. right now i feel like i am getting there :)
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Thursday, 16 October 2008
Bournemouth and beyond
So, i am now in Bournemouth. About to begin work as a Night Club Chaplain here. so far the people are really great and settling in well. i don't really know what to expect yet??
There seems to be a lot happening here, i have only been hearing about the Christian scene so far, but there are new expressive things happening. Tonight i will go to a group meeting which has been set up from the Church for the night event (this a where a big church building is taken over, filled with visuals, music and candles and a space for people to reflect, pray or chat). Next event is 31st october and also i am djing in Dex club Brixton on 1st November for you info.
Current Thoughts
Many of my current thoughts have been around finding friends, maybe a girlfriend here and how all that will work. We attended the Uni christian union meeting last night. There was a speaker who talked about relationships.
I was challenged by his words about finding our meaning in something higher (God) and not a relationships being the goal of our existence. He also touched on our attitudes to clothes and acceptance from others, which have been themes of thought this summer.
On a deeper level, i read a note yesterday from 'Smouldering Wick'. it was on the subject of Loneliness....
'You struggle to accept the possibility of knowing happiness without others, locked in a constant search for someone who will complete you and give you the contentment only God can bring. Until you are at peace with yourself, you will never be ready to accept the love of another or return it to them...'
This echoes my thought over the summer, of trying to get to a place where i feel free to love and not bound to love. Also not placing expectations on others to be all for us.
I desire to find a quiet space to be alone and also a social life that allows me to be me and you to be you. I hope i find it here.
There seems to be a lot happening here, i have only been hearing about the Christian scene so far, but there are new expressive things happening. Tonight i will go to a group meeting which has been set up from the Church for the night event (this a where a big church building is taken over, filled with visuals, music and candles and a space for people to reflect, pray or chat). Next event is 31st october and also i am djing in Dex club Brixton on 1st November for you info.
Current Thoughts
Many of my current thoughts have been around finding friends, maybe a girlfriend here and how all that will work. We attended the Uni christian union meeting last night. There was a speaker who talked about relationships.
I was challenged by his words about finding our meaning in something higher (God) and not a relationships being the goal of our existence. He also touched on our attitudes to clothes and acceptance from others, which have been themes of thought this summer.
On a deeper level, i read a note yesterday from 'Smouldering Wick'. it was on the subject of Loneliness....
'You struggle to accept the possibility of knowing happiness without others, locked in a constant search for someone who will complete you and give you the contentment only God can bring. Until you are at peace with yourself, you will never be ready to accept the love of another or return it to them...'
This echoes my thought over the summer, of trying to get to a place where i feel free to love and not bound to love. Also not placing expectations on others to be all for us.
I desire to find a quiet space to be alone and also a social life that allows me to be me and you to be you. I hope i find it here.
Sunday, 5 October 2008
How Partying should be
I don't know what you picture when i tell you about the night clubbing i am doing here in Ibiza, but let me try and give a picture.
Today myself, Bruce and Helen from 24/7 Ibiza went to the closing party of the Space nightclub. usually Space has 5 Rooms and a terrace all playing dance music of different kinds. Today they expanded for an 18 hour Fiesta. They put a stage in the rear car park allowing an additional 3000 people to the already 6000 capacity. The show was spectacular. Every 20 minutes a new set of performers would get on stage. there were acrobats, beautiful dancers, Men in gorilla suits, then a cast from Cats took the stage somersalting and flipping and prowling. At one point Darth Vador and the storm troopers, baba and jengo Fet tok the stage, all very authentic. They wheeled women in butterfly outfits round on scaffolding with a fan blowing the wings around, whilst on stage a man hung suspended spinning with a BMX bike in between his legs. Unbelievable at times. As well as world class dj's, one dj got 1000 people to crouch down and all jump up together when the tune kicked in. After 11 hours i was tired and sadly didn't stay till the end :( But i have DC10 nightclub closing party tommorow and that will be my last Ibiza party this year.
I am back in the Uk on 11th october. will put some pics of my time up in the next week.
Thanks for reading and look out for new blogs when i get to my new job in Bournemouth.
Grace and Peace
Today myself, Bruce and Helen from 24/7 Ibiza went to the closing party of the Space nightclub. usually Space has 5 Rooms and a terrace all playing dance music of different kinds. Today they expanded for an 18 hour Fiesta. They put a stage in the rear car park allowing an additional 3000 people to the already 6000 capacity. The show was spectacular. Every 20 minutes a new set of performers would get on stage. there were acrobats, beautiful dancers, Men in gorilla suits, then a cast from Cats took the stage somersalting and flipping and prowling. At one point Darth Vador and the storm troopers, baba and jengo Fet tok the stage, all very authentic. They wheeled women in butterfly outfits round on scaffolding with a fan blowing the wings around, whilst on stage a man hung suspended spinning with a BMX bike in between his legs. Unbelievable at times. As well as world class dj's, one dj got 1000 people to crouch down and all jump up together when the tune kicked in. After 11 hours i was tired and sadly didn't stay till the end :( But i have DC10 nightclub closing party tommorow and that will be my last Ibiza party this year.
I am back in the Uk on 11th october. will put some pics of my time up in the next week.
Thanks for reading and look out for new blogs when i get to my new job in Bournemouth.
Grace and Peace
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Doing Good, Part 2 -Desires
Taken from Smouldering Wick, reflections by Adam Pope
'do what the lord wants and he will give you your hearts desires.' Psalm 37 v4
'Your deepest desire seems unfulfilled and it consumes you, decisions you take, the places you go, the plans you make are all influenced by this longing to belong, to share your life with someone, pour yourself into them, to love and be loved.
The desire is natural but the consuming nature of it is not. While you continue to be preoccupied with striving toward this goal you can not find peace. Putting people or circumstances on a pedestal in that way only places unrealistic expectation on yourself and others and is destined to fail.
Only by valuing yourself as you are and excepting the situation God has placed you in, trusting that God is able to, and will, provide for all your needs when the time is right, can you truly be free. '
'do what the lord wants and he will give you your hearts desires.' Psalm 37 v4
'Your deepest desire seems unfulfilled and it consumes you, decisions you take, the places you go, the plans you make are all influenced by this longing to belong, to share your life with someone, pour yourself into them, to love and be loved.
The desire is natural but the consuming nature of it is not. While you continue to be preoccupied with striving toward this goal you can not find peace. Putting people or circumstances on a pedestal in that way only places unrealistic expectation on yourself and others and is destined to fail.
Only by valuing yourself as you are and excepting the situation God has placed you in, trusting that God is able to, and will, provide for all your needs when the time is right, can you truly be free. '
Friday, 19 September 2008
Choosing well makes us good?? Part 1
Hi... i shared this with someone in the prayer room here in Ibiza today because i thought he needed to hear it... I need to hear it... maybe you do to..
'Our capacity to choose changes constantly with our practice of life. The longer we continue to make the wrong decisions, the more our heart hardens, the more we make the right decision the more our heart softens- or better perhaps, comes alive.... Each step in life which increases my self-confidence, my integrity, my courage, my conviction also increases my capacity to choose the desirable alternative, until eventually it becomes more difficult for me to choose the undesirable rather than the desirable action.
On the other hand, each act of surrender and cowardice weakens me, opens the path for more acts of surrender and eventually freedom is lost. Between the extreme where i can no longer do a wrong act and the extreme when i have lost my freedom to right action, there are innumerable degrees of freedom of choice. In the practice of life, the degree of freedom is different at any given moment. If the degree of freedom to choose the good is great, it needs less effort to choose the good. If it is small, it takes great effort, help from others and favourable circumstances...
Most people fail at the art of living not because they are inherently bad or so without will that they cannot lead a better life, they fail because they do not wake up and see when they stand at a fork in the road and have to decide. They are not aware when life asks them a question, and when they still have alternative answers. Then each step along the wrong road it becomes increasingly difficult for them to admit they are on the wrong road, often only because they have to admit that they have to go back to the first wrong turn and must accept that fact that they have wasted time and energy.'
Te Heart of Man. It's Genius for Good and Evil. p173-178
Eric Fromm (secular Psychologist)
'Our capacity to choose changes constantly with our practice of life. The longer we continue to make the wrong decisions, the more our heart hardens, the more we make the right decision the more our heart softens- or better perhaps, comes alive.... Each step in life which increases my self-confidence, my integrity, my courage, my conviction also increases my capacity to choose the desirable alternative, until eventually it becomes more difficult for me to choose the undesirable rather than the desirable action.
On the other hand, each act of surrender and cowardice weakens me, opens the path for more acts of surrender and eventually freedom is lost. Between the extreme where i can no longer do a wrong act and the extreme when i have lost my freedom to right action, there are innumerable degrees of freedom of choice. In the practice of life, the degree of freedom is different at any given moment. If the degree of freedom to choose the good is great, it needs less effort to choose the good. If it is small, it takes great effort, help from others and favourable circumstances...
Most people fail at the art of living not because they are inherently bad or so without will that they cannot lead a better life, they fail because they do not wake up and see when they stand at a fork in the road and have to decide. They are not aware when life asks them a question, and when they still have alternative answers. Then each step along the wrong road it becomes increasingly difficult for them to admit they are on the wrong road, often only because they have to admit that they have to go back to the first wrong turn and must accept that fact that they have wasted time and energy.'
Te Heart of Man. It's Genius for Good and Evil. p173-178
Eric Fromm (secular Psychologist)
Thursday, 18 September 2008
HOMOSEXUALITY
In my experience the two top responses I am confronted with when I tell someone I am a Christian are…1. Do you believe in sex before marriage? And 2. What do you think about homosexuality?
I often wonder why this is?
Often Christians are seen as Hypocrites for not practicing what they preach, sometimes they are criticised for holding strong opinion or saying what they think.
I think some criticism of the modern Christian church is valid.
In his book ‘ exchanging the truth of God for a lie’ Jeremy Marks recounts many stories where the church has let down those who opt for ‘ Same sex’ relationships or even hint that they are struggling with same sex thoughts.
This book is a must read for anyone looking into this subject. In this book (which I would fail miserably to summarise if I tried) he overwhelmingly points out that actually the real important issue for Christians need not be “ what moral standpoint I take on this issue’ but actually pointing out that the core of the Christian faith is about Acceptance and Love.
He does not argue for a soft moral stance or that anything goes, just that there is more to this issue than quoting a couple of bible verses and saying that is all there is to it.
Now this does not really answer the question, ‘What do I think about homosexuality?’
In his book Jeremy states that ‘same sex partnerships should be seen as a gift from God’.
As a statement on its own, with my past biblical understanding and conditioned thoughts on homosexuality I found that a very hard statement to take.
However, after studying from his website and following a very compelling thought process through his book I have begun to see some light in this area.
1. If for example the church is to be’ Gods light for the nations’, how can we sit in judgement when the bible clearly tells us not to.
2. We can not reduce homosexuality to issues of lust and promiscuity, otherwise we need apply the same to all hetrosexual relationships. When i look at gay couple, I have often reduced it to a sexual repulsion picturing the sexual act as the focus for what I see. Jeremy asks why do we do that when ‘ I don’t picture hetrosexual couples I see having sex when i look at them?
4. I think it is important for us to be asking questions of ourselves, to weigh up with others the biblical application of certain scriptures we always take as clear… to be open to different perspectives and above all to be accepting and loving to all regardless of how we see their actions or lifestyle choices, else we will ALL be rejected from the church.
5. The way we as Gods church have on the whole dealt with this issue and deal with those who are gay has not worked very well and something needs to change.
Jeremy is very pro acceptance and support to those in same sex relationships because it works to bring them the fullness Jesus has for thier lives. he moves away from the model he used to adopt of an 'ex gay ministry'.
There are many single sex couples around today in committed loving relationships. Some with a deep connection and faith in Jesus, some with children. I have heard the idea that when mooted that if this in a single sex partnership (with children) were to become Christians then obviously something would have to change in the relationship?? Would it?
That is a good questionable thought, but definitely one that will be a reality in our day and could we honestly say that with our knowledge of Jesus love and care that he would break up a happy committed family unit for some moral high ground??
There are many single gay Christians feeling crippled by conditioned guilt from ideas and condemnation placed before them, who need love encouragement and acceptance.
It is possible than in this issue the whole ‘Hate the Sin Love the Sinner’ doesn’t really cut the mustard and we actually need to go deeper in the issue?
If so get the book, look at the website and lets talk openly and lovingly about it…www.courage.org.uk
For me right now in this issue I like the phrase 'Love listens and doesn’t sit in judgment'.
Maybe my views will change again, but they are not the most important thing here, people are. This is an open dialogue for me and not something I have concluded or nearly begun to understand, but I want to journey with others of all persuasions, taste’s and behaviours and not be bound or bind them by my opinions…
I often wonder why this is?
Often Christians are seen as Hypocrites for not practicing what they preach, sometimes they are criticised for holding strong opinion or saying what they think.
I think some criticism of the modern Christian church is valid.
In his book ‘ exchanging the truth of God for a lie’ Jeremy Marks recounts many stories where the church has let down those who opt for ‘ Same sex’ relationships or even hint that they are struggling with same sex thoughts.
This book is a must read for anyone looking into this subject. In this book (which I would fail miserably to summarise if I tried) he overwhelmingly points out that actually the real important issue for Christians need not be “ what moral standpoint I take on this issue’ but actually pointing out that the core of the Christian faith is about Acceptance and Love.
He does not argue for a soft moral stance or that anything goes, just that there is more to this issue than quoting a couple of bible verses and saying that is all there is to it.
Now this does not really answer the question, ‘What do I think about homosexuality?’
In his book Jeremy states that ‘same sex partnerships should be seen as a gift from God’.
As a statement on its own, with my past biblical understanding and conditioned thoughts on homosexuality I found that a very hard statement to take.
However, after studying from his website and following a very compelling thought process through his book I have begun to see some light in this area.
1. If for example the church is to be’ Gods light for the nations’, how can we sit in judgement when the bible clearly tells us not to.
2. We can not reduce homosexuality to issues of lust and promiscuity, otherwise we need apply the same to all hetrosexual relationships. When i look at gay couple, I have often reduced it to a sexual repulsion picturing the sexual act as the focus for what I see. Jeremy asks why do we do that when ‘ I don’t picture hetrosexual couples I see having sex when i look at them?
4. I think it is important for us to be asking questions of ourselves, to weigh up with others the biblical application of certain scriptures we always take as clear… to be open to different perspectives and above all to be accepting and loving to all regardless of how we see their actions or lifestyle choices, else we will ALL be rejected from the church.
5. The way we as Gods church have on the whole dealt with this issue and deal with those who are gay has not worked very well and something needs to change.
Jeremy is very pro acceptance and support to those in same sex relationships because it works to bring them the fullness Jesus has for thier lives. he moves away from the model he used to adopt of an 'ex gay ministry'.
There are many single sex couples around today in committed loving relationships. Some with a deep connection and faith in Jesus, some with children. I have heard the idea that when mooted that if this in a single sex partnership (with children) were to become Christians then obviously something would have to change in the relationship?? Would it?
That is a good questionable thought, but definitely one that will be a reality in our day and could we honestly say that with our knowledge of Jesus love and care that he would break up a happy committed family unit for some moral high ground??
There are many single gay Christians feeling crippled by conditioned guilt from ideas and condemnation placed before them, who need love encouragement and acceptance.
It is possible than in this issue the whole ‘Hate the Sin Love the Sinner’ doesn’t really cut the mustard and we actually need to go deeper in the issue?
If so get the book, look at the website and lets talk openly and lovingly about it…www.courage.org.uk
For me right now in this issue I like the phrase 'Love listens and doesn’t sit in judgment'.
Maybe my views will change again, but they are not the most important thing here, people are. This is an open dialogue for me and not something I have concluded or nearly begun to understand, but I want to journey with others of all persuasions, taste’s and behaviours and not be bound or bind them by my opinions…
Saturday, 13 September 2008
confronted by God-incidence
Manumission closing party 08
So we were outlast night at the closing party of one of the biggest club nights on the island. This featured stilt walkers, digereedoo player,an opera singer, naked pole dancers, rocky horror style stage show, flemenco and african dance, spanish guitar, 20 foot paper mache cat and a lady pulling razer blades from her crotch region... sounds disturbing huh!!!
well there was lots of great music too... The previous night i had been struggling a little with being in ibiza, the pressures and temptations in this environment can be intense. i had prayed that morning and felt some peace with God. I had a fantastic conversation in the centre with a guy i have been getting to know. he had asked to chat on a more deeper level about spiritual and lifestyle issues.
Entering the Manumission environent was strange at first. In the midst of this environment the thoughts of the previous night etc..., the dj just played my favourate song of the year which i had not heard on a dancefloor before. I was going a little crazy with my glowsticks!! Just then a guy next to me was watching me and i kinda recognised him. so many people here one familiar face can blend to another. Anyway i asked him does he know me?? He said 'were you in Verbier last year?'
i was SHOCKED.. i had met this guy, Sully, on a crazy 3 day trip snowboarding in the swiss mountains last Februrary. We met in a little bar and got chatting about life, love and spiritual things. He was an extremely spiritual person and we connected deeply. He was from La Reunion, a French island off South Africa. I had visited friends there for one month previously which was an initial connecting point as not many English people go there.
We spent 3 hours chatting outside in the moonlit, snow covered mountains, just star gazing from a bench. I remember coming home after and explaining to friends that i had met this amazing guy who had not been a Christian believer but who had taught me more about connecting with God than any Christian i had previously known (how could this be i pondered?). He told me that i was too hurried and rushed and that i needed to enjoy the silence and just receive. So there in the mountains we stared at the sky not saying much and received.
We exchanged email and chatted on line for a time but then lost touch.
So back to Manumission Ibiza. this guy who i had this deep connection with is staring at me amongst thousands of people. He told me it was amazing to see me and t
thanks for 20 euros i had given to help him out back then. I think we were both shocked. We exchanged numbers and said we will meet up again to talk more deeply. Over the evening we smiled rememered bits of conversation and i had a real sense that it was indeed a Divine appointment. Not just a random coincidence. Toward the end of the night i saw him sitting alone with his eyes shut on the staging in front of the DJ booth. I joined him and we sat there for a while. He leaned across and said isn't it wierd that a year and a half ago we sat under the stars in Verbier and now we are sitting here.
In the noise of Amnesia nightclub we sat in silence gazing on a thousand dancers... i looked up and stared at the ceiling and remembered the night and thoughts of receiving. Just then the lazers of the club came on shining on 4 large mirror balls. This created a beautiful effect of STARS on the ceiling. I sat there in silence, in the midst of the Mayhem and received.
'Maybe if you can be still long enough and face the pain and brokenness of silence, in the midst of Chaos, maybe you too can receive'...
Blessings
So we were outlast night at the closing party of one of the biggest club nights on the island. This featured stilt walkers, digereedoo player,an opera singer, naked pole dancers, rocky horror style stage show, flemenco and african dance, spanish guitar, 20 foot paper mache cat and a lady pulling razer blades from her crotch region... sounds disturbing huh!!!
well there was lots of great music too... The previous night i had been struggling a little with being in ibiza, the pressures and temptations in this environment can be intense. i had prayed that morning and felt some peace with God. I had a fantastic conversation in the centre with a guy i have been getting to know. he had asked to chat on a more deeper level about spiritual and lifestyle issues.
Entering the Manumission environent was strange at first. In the midst of this environment the thoughts of the previous night etc..., the dj just played my favourate song of the year which i had not heard on a dancefloor before. I was going a little crazy with my glowsticks!! Just then a guy next to me was watching me and i kinda recognised him. so many people here one familiar face can blend to another. Anyway i asked him does he know me?? He said 'were you in Verbier last year?'
i was SHOCKED.. i had met this guy, Sully, on a crazy 3 day trip snowboarding in the swiss mountains last Februrary. We met in a little bar and got chatting about life, love and spiritual things. He was an extremely spiritual person and we connected deeply. He was from La Reunion, a French island off South Africa. I had visited friends there for one month previously which was an initial connecting point as not many English people go there.
We spent 3 hours chatting outside in the moonlit, snow covered mountains, just star gazing from a bench. I remember coming home after and explaining to friends that i had met this amazing guy who had not been a Christian believer but who had taught me more about connecting with God than any Christian i had previously known (how could this be i pondered?). He told me that i was too hurried and rushed and that i needed to enjoy the silence and just receive. So there in the mountains we stared at the sky not saying much and received.
We exchanged email and chatted on line for a time but then lost touch.
So back to Manumission Ibiza. this guy who i had this deep connection with is staring at me amongst thousands of people. He told me it was amazing to see me and t
thanks for 20 euros i had given to help him out back then. I think we were both shocked. We exchanged numbers and said we will meet up again to talk more deeply. Over the evening we smiled rememered bits of conversation and i had a real sense that it was indeed a Divine appointment. Not just a random coincidence. Toward the end of the night i saw him sitting alone with his eyes shut on the staging in front of the DJ booth. I joined him and we sat there for a while. He leaned across and said isn't it wierd that a year and a half ago we sat under the stars in Verbier and now we are sitting here.
In the noise of Amnesia nightclub we sat in silence gazing on a thousand dancers... i looked up and stared at the ceiling and remembered the night and thoughts of receiving. Just then the lazers of the club came on shining on 4 large mirror balls. This created a beautiful effect of STARS on the ceiling. I sat there in silence, in the midst of the Mayhem and received.
'Maybe if you can be still long enough and face the pain and brokenness of silence, in the midst of Chaos, maybe you too can receive'...
Blessings
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