£230

so this is my blog and this is about what goes on in my world. Well money is often thought here and i am currently thinking about the giving i do. so many good causes, so many needs. feed the hungry, help the oppressed, support friends who are giving up their income to help others. Help friends in ministries such as urban dance projects, 24/7 ibiza. Provide water, shelter, clothing, emotional support, medical care. Hope. as i thought about these things, i came up with the sum £230, £130 was the sum of a pair of trainers i was going to buy... i thought twice and decided i could give the money away instead. £100 was 10% of my income this month. So £230 to spend on others, where should it go? i watched a challenging documentary on India and the Dalits. They are a group numbering 250'000000 in India. They are outcastes, nobodies, untouchables. Many clean feces everyday of their lives. They are considered by others to be sub human, without souls. Therefore worthless. For £230 it said , you can help a family escape the debt of thier masters and find freedom to live as they wish. They will never be able to get out of slavery unless this happens. On the same day i was looking at the 'xxxchurch' in USA. They are a bunch of christians who go to Porn conventions and hand out 'Jesus Loves Porn Stars' bibles. They also run support groups for those addicted to Pornography, gambling and other life inhibiting habits. In Ibiza we handed out these to people who wanted them. So i found out how much it would be to ship 50 over. £230.

i love coincidences, they give me a buzz of interested hope... maybe they are just nothing...

saturday night i went street walking for my work. Myself and Joe walked the streets and introduced ourselves to door staff. I don't know many people in Bournemouth yet, but as we spoke to two fairly unfriendly door staff. a girl came out of the bar. I had met her and her friend 3 weeks earlier at a salsa class. In that conversation she had asked me what i did for a living. Her friend was excited by my response, as she was a christian and we had a conversation about what i did. They then both came to our Church for the night event... check out... www.churchforthenight.com... there i had mentioned to her that we wanted to get a donkey for the next event as it was Christmas!!! To my suprise she said she knew someone with a Donkey!!.. unfortunatley she had lost my number and had not been in touch.. so back to the club door sitution and i was surprised and happy to see her. I got her number and she went back in. No sooner had she gone in then another girl came out.. i did a double take... it was a friend of a friend i had met in Ibiza, she was visiting Bournemouth for the weekend and i think was just as suprised to see me...she asked if i would join them going to another bar to find our mutual friend but i had to carry on my street walking... now again you could say coincidence or perfect timing?? It made me feel positive about going out that night as the door staff had not filled me with positive vibes. These happenings have occured 'everytime' i have been out so far including last week two guys coming up to me and showing me video images on their mobile phone of myself dancing on a boat in ibiza.

will keep you udated on future happenings..

hey all.. just got sent this from Brian Heasley in Ibiza from our summer work .. really great work out there.. support it if you can.. just click or copy and paste...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzQXrNPJvAY

lots of words today, sorry, next time will be pictures :)

This week seems to have brought new unexpected thoughts and challenges. I can be the sort of person who drifts along comfortably thinking I have it together, then along comes a piece of information that radically shifts my thinking. Well this week that is happening.

For about 4 months now I have been extremely comfortable in my faith and direction then all of a sudden this week many questions have been emerging seeming to be all a bit much.

Saturday was the first of these days where is struggled to find motivation to do anything. In the end I battled through and decided to go street walking alone to introduce my self to all the door staff and police in town. This was a very conducive evening where I met loads of people and got really good feedback, not to mention bumping into friend Nicole and dancing with her and her cousin in a bar. The night ended at 6 am after a few people came back to mine for a cupper, all talking about religion poverty and the like…worth the struggle.

So why still the struggle. maybe was that i was coming down with the flu i now have maybe tiredness but I think finding a happy balance in life is important but without the swings this does not happen, I think I am in a swinging moment. The mystery of God is something that is really intriguing me right now. The idea that maybe I don’t know very much at all is again creeping in.

i have been giving a lot of thought lately to the ideas about depression why we get down about things. there are often overwhelming senses of hopelessness in society. whether by large scale issues or personal griefs and un-fulfillment. There is sometimes a void between what we are concerned about and what we can actually do about it. This helplessness is not only stressful but also brings us down. Not understanding the issues or seeing a way forward amplifies this.

my faith was a little rocked the other day by a programme i saw. i obviously don't want to be be someone blown by the wind (by everything that comes my way), but there was some quite compelling evidence about the christian faith that made me sit back and think!! i was encouraged today by some words in a book i read.

'attitudes have a kind of inertia. once set in they will keep going, even in the face of evidence. To change an attitude requires a considerable amount of work and suffering. The process must either begin in an effortfully maintained posture of self doubt and criticism, or in a painful acknowledgment that what we thought was right all along may not be right after all. Then it proceeds into a state of confusion. This state is quite uncomfortable and we no longer seem to know what is right or wrong or indeed which way to go. But it is a state of openess and therefore of growing and learning. It is only from the quicksand of confusion that we are able to leap into the new and better vision.' M Scott Peck. 'People of the Lie'.

whether dealing with personal pain or moments of anguish and uncertainty in our attitudes or direction, it is comforting to know that through our suffering, uncertainty and trial can come new vision, perspective and maturity. If we suppress this suffering or ignore the thoughts or compelling evidence we will probably remain unchanged, immature and depressed.

i want to be someone who looks at what i can do and doesn't focus on what can't be done. i am allowed to be depressed, because there is evil in the world that needs changing. but if i allow this depression to render me ineffective, i will slowly disintegrate. I choose to make the difference i can.
i will not be blown around by these things but give it to God in prayer, do some thinking and study and come out enlightened.

"When I pray coincidences happen and when I don't they don't!” - Archbishop William Temple

okay so i am sorry this has taken so long and i guess with moving into a new place i have had to let things settle a little... have now been in Bournemouth for 1 month and have not stopped much yet. I have been in london djing, at friends wedding and more and just feel like starting to think about this being my new home. It feels like i could be here a long time and that i have given up much to invest in this place even though i don't know it or many of it's people yet, but i feel drawn here and have a strong sense of purpose here.

i have had many thought over previous weeks and last week was on a conference about Community Transformation. this is a subject very close to my heart. It is really what i have been working toward my whole adult life and even childhood too. But the idea of the little difference i make or how big the worlds problems are are often so overwhelming i think.."whats the point`.

This conference was lead by Tearfund (Christian poverty charity) and Livability ( provider of care for adults). Firstly the conference modelled what it spoke of. i have never been in a bunch of people with so little pretence and so much openess. seemed like everyone, young or old, whatever background were on the same page.
The key speaker named Dave Andrews was a humble Australian guy with a larger than life personality. He basically said that we can change no one but ourselves.

He focused on the pain and depression people go through and said that our common problem is that we often look at the things we can not change rather than what we can. If we always look beyond our area of influence and concentrate on the areas for concern, we will always be depressed.
I think this is why i get so frustrated by the News a lot of the time. It just shows all the things that go wrong and very little of what people are actually doing about it.It makes me feel powerless. There are many things that people (not just Christians) all around the world are doing to help alleviate pain and suffering, but only a tiny amount is ever reported ... no wonder we/ i feel hopeless at times.

i am trying hard to start to focus on the moment (where God is with me, with us in hopelessness) and findout what I CAN do. Fortunatley there are bunch of people (did you know a bunch of banana's is 300 or so... i mean the bunch like 5-10) here who are really committed to the same thing. I think doing things together is much better. and if what Dave Andrews says is true and i can only change myself... If we as a group change ourselves then others will see that change and who knows maybe decide to change themselves...

so this is a bit of where i am at right now... grappling with questions and not having the answers... i am still thankful and loking forward to the challenges ahead.

write again very soon!!!!


'The submission of individual independence to a higher force than our own, is the only way of ridding the world of evil. ' ANON

Starting a new job...

So my new job is now a week old. In that time i have also been best man at my friend Ben's wedding... (very proud of him right now)... i have met up with people from Ibiza... visited 2 clubs, been out on the streets on Carnage night when 2000 students bar crawl the town in winter with t shirts and much less on. Oh did i mention getting pulled over by the police when dropping two friends off home, who incidentally were wearing not much more than lingerie!! There is a story to tell there somewhere.
It is hard to know what to think at the moment, some people are very happy with the way things are in the role others have big ideas for change. I think my time in Ibiza has definitely given me a comparison and i hope to find good bits from both to develop things here further.

One thing i do know is that i am certainly in a Bridging position between 'world and church'.. on my visit to the Christian union i was approached by one girl who said ' isn't it sinful to go into nightclubs, we are praying for them to close in our church and you go in them.....i don't believe God is in those places'
I also at times frequent a Christian dating site a girl recently sent me a message ....
I checked out your facebook, which led me to your website, I don't see much of Jesus in there. Clubbing, parties, worldly activities is all I saw.
Didn't notice anything that leads me to think you are a christian who loves God.
So thanks, but no thanks.

Similarly on the street tonight a guy asked who we were, one of those with us said who do you think we are? he replied Christians and quickly i definitely don't need your help...and made his exit.

i guess in both camps some will love us some hate us... i have to get used to it.. people can be very quick to judge at times.

Some want to be left alone, some feel so alone, some want to make everyone like them, others want to be like everyone else, some want to change and can't, others can but don't want to.

Is there an answer.. i don't know but i am learning to love myself despite what others may think, i am learning to Love God despite what i sometimes feel and i am learning to accept others even when they don't think like me...

life is a journey.. right now i feel like i am getting there :)

Bournemouth and beyond

So, i am now in Bournemouth. About to begin work as a Night Club Chaplain here. so far the people are really great and settling in well. i don't really know what to expect yet??
There seems to be a lot happening here, i have only been hearing about the Christian scene so far, but there are new expressive things happening. Tonight i will go to a group meeting which has been set up from the Church for the night event (this a where a big church building is taken over, filled with visuals, music and candles and a space for people to reflect, pray or chat). Next event is 31st october and also i am djing in Dex club Brixton on 1st November for you info.

Current Thoughts

Many of my current thoughts have been around finding friends, maybe a girlfriend here and how all that will work. We attended the Uni christian union meeting last night. There was a speaker who talked about relationships.
I was challenged by his words about finding our meaning in something higher (God) and not a relationships being the goal of our existence. He also touched on our attitudes to clothes and acceptance from others, which have been themes of thought this summer.

On a deeper level, i read a note yesterday from 'Smouldering Wick'. it was on the subject of Loneliness....
'You struggle to accept the possibility of knowing happiness without others, locked in a constant search for someone who will complete you and give you the contentment only God can bring. Until you are at peace with yourself, you will never be ready to accept the love of another or return it to them...'

This echoes my thought over the summer, of trying to get to a place where i feel free to love and not bound to love. Also not placing expectations on others to be all for us.

I desire to find a quiet space to be alone and also a social life that allows me to be me and you to be you. I hope i find it here.

How Partying should be

I don't know what you picture when i tell you about the night clubbing i am doing here in Ibiza, but let me try and give a picture.
Today myself, Bruce and Helen from 24/7 Ibiza went to the closing party of the Space nightclub. usually Space has 5 Rooms and a terrace all playing dance music of different kinds. Today they expanded for an 18 hour Fiesta. They put a stage in the rear car park allowing an additional 3000 people to the already 6000 capacity. The show was spectacular. Every 20 minutes a new set of performers would get on stage. there were acrobats, beautiful dancers, Men in gorilla suits, then a cast from Cats took the stage somersalting and flipping and prowling. At one point Darth Vador and the storm troopers, baba and jengo Fet tok the stage, all very authentic. They wheeled women in butterfly outfits round on scaffolding with a fan blowing the wings around, whilst on stage a man hung suspended spinning with a BMX bike in between his legs. Unbelievable at times. As well as world class dj's, one dj got 1000 people to crouch down and all jump up together when the tune kicked in. After 11 hours i was tired and sadly didn't stay till the end :( But i have DC10 nightclub closing party tommorow and that will be my last Ibiza party this year.

I am back in the Uk on 11th october. will put some pics of my time up in the next week.
Thanks for reading and look out for new blogs when i get to my new job in Bournemouth.
Grace and Peace